Welcome to Papa Pappy's Pasta Palace!
by ManOfChocolate
Summary: Come one, come all! Papa Pappy's Pasta Palace is hosting its Grand Opening tonight! Now serving a huge selection of traditional Italian meals, and just a hint of monster ingenuity, our certified Great Master Skeleton Chef Papyrus promises only the best in fine dining!


**A/N: Crosspost from Ao3. I hope you came here with an empty stomach, because there's plenty for everyo** ne!

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Papyrus stood at the far end of the sizable table, beaming at his guests. The Dreemurr's were both in attendance along with Frisk, who quickly received several pillows to level them up to the table. Alphys and Undyne sat next to each other, the former Royal Guard making several attempts at holding Alphys' hand. She just kept gently avoiding it and order the fish monster to behave. Various levels of eye contact didn't really communicate this well, though it was likely Undyne just didn't want to listen.

Mettaton and Napstablook both had their designated seats, but as they offered to assist with live music for the evening, they were both in the other end of the room, engaged in some surprisingly mellow tunes, so far as Mettaton was concerned. And of course, always there like a shadow, was his staunchest supporter in everything; Sans. Someone actually managed to stuff the lazybones into a suit, though Papyrus was fairly sure it had to have been the combined effort of several monsters and Frisk.

All of his friends put aside everything they had to do, just so they could attend the grand opening of Papa Pappy's Pasta Palace. The naming scheme didn't exactly have any relevance or meaning, but Papyrus had found 'papa' to be a fairly common name for human establishments of Italian cuisines. While it still made little sense to choose this name, nobody really felt like taking a stab at it. Considering all other possible avenues, the name was pretty low on the list of things that could go wrong.

"HELLO EVERYONE! I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT!"

"wouldn't have missed this for the world, bro." Sans slouched over the table, consumed by the spirit of laziness as usual.

Papyrus merely sighed at the sight of his brother, but the smile never left his face. There would be other times, other occasions where he could scold Sans for his posture, but tonight was for celebration. He clasped his hand instead, looking over everyone once more.

"WOWIE, JUST LOOK AT ALL OF YOU!" he continued. "LADY TORIEL, LOOKING BETTER THAN EVER! I'VE SEEN YOUR GRASS SCULPTURES OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL AGAIN, SIR ASGORE, AND THEY ARE TRULY AMAZING! ALPHYS, UNDYNE, MY FAVORITE COUPLE IN THE WHOLE WORLD! AND OF COURSE, LAST BUT NOT LEAST, MY FAVORITE HUMAN! YOU'VE GROWN ANOTHER FEW INCHES, HAVEN'T YOU?"

Frisk nodded and raised their hand as high as possible, indicating just how much taller they wanted to grow.

"YOU'LL NEED TO GROW A LOT TALLER, IF YOU EVER TRULY WISH TO BEAT THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" he boasted, assuming his signature battle pose for a moment. His battle body always gave it a little more majesty, but the long chef robe and the sharpie mustache, that nobody wanted to bring up with him, took away some of the glamour.

"You've really smacked this place back into shape, Papyrus." Undyne said, flashing a toothy grin. "A couple months ago it was falling apart."

"YES! I DID HAVE TO TAKE SOME COURSES ON CARPENTRY AND SUCH. NONE WERE EASY, BUT WHAT IS A FIGHT WITHOUT THE STRUGGLE?" the skeleton beamed with well-deserved pride.

Behind him, the door to the kitchen opened up, several monster and human wait staff coming out with a grand selection of food. His friends couldn't help, but be amazed by the sheer selection they were presented with. Although it remained Papyrus' signature dish, everyone decided to go with something other than spaghetti. It was by no means a slight against the skeleton, but they all had more than enough times to try it and wanted something different, for a change. After all, part of the reason they were all so excited about Papyrus' new chosen profession was that he could broaden his horizons and try new things.

"I WILL LET YOU ENJOY YOUR MEALS NOW!" he stated. He opened his mouth again, frowned, wrestled with said from for a few seconds and finally continued with slight exasperation. "...BONE APPETIT!"

He didn't have to say it twice. The scent of food was already promising some of the best dinners they've had in a long time and the presentation was just as nice. Clean platters, sizable servings and a wait staff that were keen to fulfill every minor wish. The group tried a rather broad selection, from salads to pizzas, not only to satisfy their taste buds, but also just to see how much the skeleton had improved. Judging by the satisfied faces upon the first few bites, he succeeded with flying colors.

The first dinner service already seemed like a huge success. Guests far and wide praised the food and decoration, although it was pretty obvious the 'Italian inspiration' was greatly filtered through movies and general trivia. Still none of it was too out of place and the customers were far too busy with their food to raise a stink about any of it. Sans looked over the scene and let out a sigh that very much resembled happiness.

"so, finally moved on from just spaghetti?" he asked, not yet diving into his pizza.

"NEVER! SPAGHETTI REMAINS MY SPECIALTY!" Papyrus stated, sharing his brother's grin. "BUT, I RECOGNIZE SOME PEOPLE WANT TO TRY OTHER THINGS THOUGH, SO A COMPROMISE WAS NECESSARY."

Sans' smile was strong as ever, but doubt began to gnaw at his skull.

"a compromise?"

"OF COURSE! PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT SPAGHETTI IS THE ULTIMATE HUMAN ITALIAN MEAL, SO I MADE SURE TO REMIND THEM IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE."

Sans felt cold sweat forming on his forehead.

"Frisk, what did you find?" Toriel asked, noticing the odd expression on the child's face. They passed the slice of pizza over to their mother, who quickly found that issue. "I-is this... pasta in the crust?"

Sans swallowed, his hand beginning to shake.

"Wha-" Undyne pulled a bite out of her mouth, examining it despite Alphys' insistence of how rude that was. "Papyrus, what the hell is this?"

The piece of food in her hand might have looked like a tomato, but upon closer inspection it turned out to be a meatball, painted to look like one.

Sans looked up at his brother for answers, who stared at the scene with eyes wide as saucers, and the most expansive grin he had ever produced. More and more guests rose to complain, finding pasta, sauce and meatballs in places where they had no place in being, such as a steak, a salad and even french fries. It seemed like spaghetti wasn't just an element on the menu, but the core of everything.

A customer accidentally kicked the leg of their table, which proceeded to collapse almost immediately. Spaghetti poured out from the hollow piece of wood, joining the rest of its kind. A maintenance monster grumbled in annoyance, trying to water the potted plants with marinara, but always getting bits stuck. People suddenly realized that virtually all the portraits and photos on the walls were of spaghetti in various places, furthering the mystery.

The air was thick with the scent of sauce.

"bro..." Sans whispered, gazing at Papyrus. "what have you done?"

Papyrus threw his head back and in the midst of glances, confused and accusatory, laughter erupted from his throat. It started as a giggle with a falsetto, but quickly grew into an overpowering cackle. His jaw clacked to the force of his amusement, loud and spooky skeletal laughter filling the restaurant.

Laughter and spaghetti.

Laughter and spaghetti were the only necessary things in life. A waiter slipped on the sauce and spaghetti poured from every possible space of his uniform. Everything descended into a cacophony of mad chuckling, marinara and mayhem.

Sans pulled the menu to his face with crippling sadness, his eyes wandering through the delectable selection, all of which he now knew held a dark secret. At this point he didn't need to check to know tonight's special:

 _Existential regretti._

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 **A/N: [PPPP OFFERS ABSOLUTELY NO REFUNDS]**

 **A lovely Anon on /utg/ suggested a prompt about "Papyrus opening an Italian restaurant Post-TP. Japery ensues." and I could resist turning it into... well.. what you've just read. It was supposed to be just a quick bit of warm-up writing. I think we can count this as just the right amount of japery? :D**

 **While the restaurant is closed for renovations (and healing), it will surely reopen one day! Book a table in advance by my Tumblr, Milkasingularity! Until next time, bone appetit!**

 **Please drop by the archive and comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!**


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